What beauty standard has affected you the most?

We asked a few people how to What beauty standard has affected you the most? and this is their answer.

1. a student at State University of New York

Growing up in New York as a first generation Bengali-Indian girl, I used to admire nearly all features from pale to the darkest skin tones. As a little girl, I envied my classmates— from the girls that had dirty blond hair and blue eyes to curly, chocolate Afros with hazel eyes.

But I especially admired Caucasian features. I went to a middle school where most of the White girls were considered more beautiful than the rest of us. I also grew up in a neighborhood where most compliments went to blue eyed, perky and pink lipped, chestnut haired girls with milk skin tone. It also didn’t help that my culture often regards South Asian girls with any Caucasian features as the most beautiful.

You can say that at certain points of my life growing up, I detested my frizzy, dark hair and dark, brown eyes. They looked pretty on other girls, but I was never satisfied with myself.

However as years went by and I gained more confidence and was introduced to more diversity in college and my travels abroad, I finally saw beauty in me. I saw one commonality amongst people who called themselves beautiful: they are all beautiful because they are happy. They are happy with who they are and what they have in terms of physical traits.

I met wondrous people who encouraged me to love myself. I met people of nearly all spectra on a recent medical volunteer trip abroad who proved to me that beauty is just how you see yourself. True beauty lies in happiness and only in that state can you truly recognize your own beauty.

I’m currently in love with myself. Sure, I have my bad hair and skin days, but I am beautiful. I adore my hair — the way sunlight streaks it a beautiful reddish-brown— as well as my chocolate eyes. I adore my skin which glows under the sun. But most of all, I am finally happy. I am happy with my traits. Like any other girl, I still sometimes wish for flawless skin or more manageable hair, but I’m fairly happy.

2. Savanna Jensen

A flat stomach.

As a child I was always very skinny. I could eat a ton of chocolate and not gain a single pound. I was what one might consider a cute kid.

Now for those who don’t know, I have autism. This means that due to sensory issues involving taste and texture I have a limited diet that consists mostly of meat, pasta and the occasional fruit. It’s safe to say I haven’t touched a vegetable in five years. I’m also lactose intolerant so most dairy products are off the table as well.

Due to my lack of proper diet and little to no exercise I am what one can consider “fat” or “overweight”. I am not in the “obese” category at least not yet.

So as I said in the beginning I was skinny as a kid and had very high metabolism. This all started to change when I entered middle school in the seventh grade. Gradually I started to notice how I was “bigger” than the other girls in my grade and it wasn’t just in my chest.

I however didn’t care that much at that point really until I entered high school and started noticing boys. I also started to notice how most of the guys seemed to go out of their way to avoid me and how they would talk about all girls they found “hot”. Which of course were girls with perfect figures that could have passed as models. They also talked about the girls that they considered “ugly” or “average”. My name popped up in both catergories multiple times.

I went home one day my sophomore year and undressed myself in front of the mirror to look at my body. As I stared I could see all the imperfections about myself that everyone including the boy I liked had said both behind my back and to my face including the thing I hated most, my huge beer belly. I sat on my bathroom floor and cried. I desperately wanted a flat belly like all the other girls at school that all the boys desired to be with. I just wanted someone, anyone to call me pretty or beautiful.

I hated myself so much at this time that I finally decided I had enough so I went through with a plan to take my own life. Every week I would try a different method. These included, attempting to hang myself from a bathroom stall with my sweatshirt, drawing small cuts on my legs trying to find courage to go in deeper so I would bleed out slowly, and attempting to drown myself in bath water. Each time I went through with it but stopped myself because I was scared that somehow I would get punished by God and sent to hell for daring to take my life before my time.

The fourth time I tried to commit suicide my mother caught me and sent me to a rehab center to get help. It did help get over my sucidal patch but my self esteem never recovered.

To this day I’m still fat but I’ve learned to live with it. I still hope one day to meet a man who will love me despite the fact I’m overweight and unattractive.

3. Tamia Boyden

Definitely European standards.

Black women were and still are ridiculed, insulted, and downplayed just because they weren't born looking like this:

But instead like this:

For years white women have been the standard of beauty in America and our history has only taught people to idolize not only white men but white women as well and demonize their “opposites" aka black people.

Although this standard has also affected black men and other men of color as well it has affected black women the most & unfortunately still is.

Growing up black I've heard it all: “you're pretty for a black girl”, “you're too pretty to BE a black girl", “you gotta be mixed", & even “black girls are the least desirable”, and unfortunately some of these things were told to me by people of my own race.

One thing I can say though, black women have taken more pride in their appearance regardless of society's attempts to downplay them, especially when it comes to their natural hair. That's pretty cool to me.

4. Panisa Littleman

Western European beauty standards definitely.

I’m glad that I do live in America where tanned skin is alright because if I stayed in Asia, I would be socially unaccepted because my skin is too dark. However, it’s okay for a non Asian person to be my tanned complexion simply because they are white. It’s like Asians think that they are inferior next to white people when it comes to beauty. This is why a lot of them get their skin whitened, have double eyelid surgery and surgery to give them sharpened features.

I used to hate my exotic features and darker complexion compared to paler Asians and Caucasian women/lighter tanned women of color, but I slowly learned how to accept it. I love being tan and I love how my eyes change into different shades depending on how much light there is. I’ve always loved my dark hair, even before I wanted to make myself lighter by using skin bleaching beauty products and get contacts. Asians are often told to avoid the sun to make sure they don’t get any darker, but I embrace the sun (of course, I use sunscreen to avoid skin cancer). I now appreciate my golden tan, brown eyes and my features.

There’s a reason why there is more than one form of beauty in this world and it’s limitless. Every race is beautiful in their own diverse way.

5. Divya Sewani

I am probably writing about this for the First Time on any platform ever.

It has always been a touchy topic for me which I have chosen not to speak about on Public Forums.

Even now, as I write this, my mind is still trying to put into words my deep seeded anxiety, worries and insecurities that have continued to haunt me all these years right from the time I hit Puberty.

Alright!

Lets talk about FACIAL HAIR!

On of the most over rated and unreal beauty standards of the World is the expectation that a Woman is supposed to be “Hair Free”

Not a single strand of hair can be visible on the surface area of a Woman’s skin visible to the public eye!

It is as though we assume that woman are born without any Body Hair!

And God Help You if somehow due to Biological reasons you end up having more than normal Facial Hair like me.

Weekly Salon Sessions where methods like Waxing and Threading are used by my expert beautician to keep my face invisible of any hair never fails to remind of my “abnormality”

Come hell or high water, I have to spend a couple of hours running to the salon every weekend to keep my Facial Hair growth in check.

God forbid if I have an unplanned/ sudden social event to attend, it becomes a living nightmare to ensure I look as “normal” as possible with doles of foundation/ concealers to cover it up.

Being a constant butt of jokes and bullying while I was growing up hasn’t helped in dealing with this at all.

It has only added to the pressure of ensuring I look “presentable” if not “beautiful” all the time.

Anxiety every time I meet someone new, “Oh! did they notice I have facial hair! Oh how horrible!” It has become a normal pattern of interaction now.

It makes me feel like a “freak” and “misfit” and follows me everywhere I go.

Upon all of this there are “genuine concerns” of “relatives” and “well wishers” suggesting all sorts of alternative treatments from Ayurveda to Homeopathy to Lasers which I can try to get rid of my “problem”

Will I ever find someone who will love me and accept me the way I am?

Will I ever be able to feel completely normal?

Can I just skip 1 week of the salon ordeal and go out with whatever my face looks like?

Will my child (if I have any and it is a girl) inherit this “problem” from me genetically?

Millions and millions of such questions have crossed my mind every single day!

Challenging beauty standards and breaking free from them, I guess we still have a long way to go there…